ETERNAL LOVE: A BOND BETWEEN THE TWO OF US

It has been raining since last night and it continues to do so. I am alone at my P.G room, as my roommate has gone to her house for the festival. I made some black coffee for myself and sat down by the window. I looked at the rain with boredom. It had never been this way, a few months ago. I would go out and get drenched in the rain. My mom would call out for me at the top of her voice and ask me to come back inside. She thought I was insane. I wouldn’t listen to her. She would then send him to get me in. He would come with his umbrella open and say, “What’s wrong with you?” I would boldly tell, “You know I love the rain!” “I’m not worried that you are getting drenched! Why couldn’t you call me?” my brother would reply. And then both of us would enjoy and jump around in the rain. My mom would curse herself for sending him to get me. She could have to herself come to drag me back inside, she would think.

But now things had changed. It had been raining for the past one week with very less intervals of sunshine, but I haven’t felt like going out and getting drenched in the rain anymore.  I have moved away from my city to Hyderabad. I stay as a P.G. now. My mom and dad call every alternate night to check what I am doing and so on.

I had moved to a different city but that hadn’t made me forget everything. My father thought that if I moved to a different city, I would probably forget a part of it and move on. But it wasn’t easy for me. My brother was my best friend and losing him meant a great deal to me.  I still remember that day. It just doesn’t move out of my mind. 

∞

My brother had gone out for a long drive with his friends. They had decided to go for trekking as they all met after a long time. My brother woke me up early morning to tell me he was leaving. I hugged him and wished him a safe drive. I returned home in the evening from college. I started surfing the channels for something nice to watch. At that moment, my dad gave me a call asking me to see any local news channel. When I’m asked to do such things it wakes up the butterflies in my tummy. I asked him why and he just said, “Tell me what’s flashing. Is there anything about some road accidents on the national highway?”  “Why are you asking something like that?” I asked. “Just do as I say!” he said in a rather harsh voice. Now I began getting scared. He hadn’t spoken like that to me before. I began to change channels until I got to a local news channel.

“BREAKING NEWS- Road mishap at NH-67”, “Car rams into an over-speeding truck” , “Car number- TN 34 AD 4682”,  “All travelling in the car injured, taken to nearby hospital” Now it was very horrifying, I didn’t know why but I began to feel that this car’s number was something that I had recently seen. My dad hung up the phone. Then it flashed that I had seen it just this morning. At once I realized that it was the same car my brother and his friends had gone in. I called my brother’s number, but it didn’t get connected.  I scanned the news channel for another twenty five minutes, till I was disturbed by the doorbell. My father walked in with fear. I for once saw how worried my parents were. But more importantly I was worried about my brother. The news channel flashed the name and the phone number of the hospital- the injured were admitted to. I noted it down and called the hospital phone. I began enquiring if they had got any information of the injured. Meanwhile, I pushed my dad into going to that place immediately. My mother had started crying in fear. My father quickly got up and took out the car. I got my mom out and locked the house. My mother and I got into the car.

All the while through our drive I kept calling my brother. He was not reachable. My father was getting impatient with the traffic. My mother was saying prayers aloud. I hadn’t got any proper information from the hospital’s reception. I was silently mumbling prayers within myself that all of them be saved. We reached the hospital in an hour and half. I ran the moment my dad stopped the car. I went to the reception desk and gave them details of the incident. A nurse nearby who was treating them took us in with her. She told me that the driver was still in the operation theatre, but the others were in the general ward getting treated for their injuries. As she took me to the general ward, I just had one prayer that my brother shouldn’t be the driver. It was cruel of me to have thought that way but he meant a lot to me. I looked around frantically for my brother. I saw his friends, Rahul, Vikram, Jai, and Mohit. But I couldn’t see him. I cursed God for what he had put my brother through. I rushed to the operation theatre. The nurse stopped me from going nearby. I was frightened. I tried hard not to cry. I was hoping the doctor came out soon and said something.

We waited for another half an hour outside in the waiting area. My mother was crying without a break. And Mohit tried consoling my mom, saying nothing would happen. Rahul, Vikram and Jai were still getting their wounds treated. My father went out for another smoke. And all I did was sit. I was just hoping everything would be alright and sat there when the doctor came to inform us. At that moment, a doctor went up to the reception and told something or asked something I should say, because he turned and walked towards us after that. I got up with fear and hope; fearing something bad to have happened and hoping nothing horrible had happened.

“Are you a close relative of the patient?” he asked looking towards Mohit, as he had seen him earlier when my brother was taken into the O.T.

“I’m a friend of his. They are his mother and sister.” he said pointing towards us.

“Alright.” he turned towards my mother, and looking at her worried expression, he turned to me thinking it would be better to tell me instead. “I’m sorry. We tried our best. But luck didn’t favor your brother. We couldn’t save him.”

My mom let out a shrill cry. My father just came back and he was just broken and shattered when he saw Mohit and Mohit in turn gave him a look of ‘we have lost him’. I was too shocked to take in what was just told. I just looked at the doctor as he kept saying something as to how badly he was injured and how much of risk they took in performing this operation. He spoke more but I just didn’t hear him.

“Can we see him?”

“Yes.”

We went there, where he lay still. His eyes closed. My mother shook him hard, but he didn’t respond. My father- who I had always assumed was very strong just broke down on seeing my brother motionless. Mohit had informed the other three and when they came they cried. Among all of them I stood there looking at him in a fix. The brother who loved me so much was no more. The person with whom I shared my happiest moments and the most terrible moments with would no longer be there to give me a shoulder to cry, or would no longer extend his hand in my mischief. Everyone around cried. But I stood there frozen. I didn’t cry. I just kept looking at him. It still was not fixed in my head or heart that he was dead. A day later, relatives came home to enquire about my brother’s death. They kept coming almost every other day for the next ten to twelve days. They would all come to me tell me a lot of things out of which nothing would enter my head. Leave alone enter my head, I would not even hear of what they spoke. A week later, I went to college. My brother also had studied in the same college so the whole college had come to know of his death.

When I walked in to my class people started muttering to each other. Then, one by one they came and offered their condolences. My lecturer came in. He looked at me and called me to his seat. I knew why he called me; it was to tell me that he really felt sorry about the demise of my brother. I went through the same situation for almost a week. Random people kept coming to me and telling me of how bad they felt that my brother was no longer there in this world. I was growing sick of it. I refused to go to college for another three days. At home there was not a very different situation. My mom would mention something about him at least once in two hours. Two days later an aunt of mine who stayed far away had come home, she was there to stay for a month or so. At dinner, she began off as to how lovely a boy my brother was. She kept speaking of him and my mother couldn’t control her tears. After sometime, she calmed down and we finished our dinner in silence.

Next morning when we sat for breakfast my aunt again started something about my brother and my mother’s eyes grew moist. That’s it! I could take no more. “Enough. Aunty, my brother passed away and it’s almost a month now. I go to college and people come and offer sympathy. I come home and both my parents speak something of him and now you don’t have to speak of it. I’ve heard a lot of him after he passed away. I’m not in for more.” And I stormed out of the dining room and went to my room and shut the door hard enough for all the other noises in the house to disappear till the next time I opened the door. I was shivering when I sat on the bed. I felt weak.  I felt irritated and wanted to break something. I went to take a shower to cool myself down. I went out after the shower. My aunt, mother and my father were in the hall sitting silently and doing some work of their own. “Aunty, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have spoken that way. But I just couldn’t take it anymore.” “It’s alright. I understood.” I looked at my dad who looked at me with a look of ‘it’s alright I was thankful you showed some emotion’. “I want to move to Hyderabad dad. I’ll study there. I can’t live in this place. It feels as if it is haunted. I can’t face people anymore. Everyone looks at me differently. I myself feel the change. I’m not what I used to be. I just want to be left alone and nothing else.” My mom said a point blank- no. “I’ve just lost my son and I’m not letting you go anywhere.” I was about to say something when my father said, “She’ll go and study where she wants. If it’ll help her in forgetting things I’m more than willing to send her.”

My mom knew she couldn’t protest. She just got up and walked silently. My aunt gave me a nod which meant that she would convince my mom.

“So, why have you chosen Hyderabad?” my dad asked.

 “I don’t know I just felt that it’s a place some of India’s best institutions are.”

“There are good institutions in Chennai as well.”

“I don’t want to be in the same state. It’ll probably help me the farther I go.”

“Well then there’s Bangalore.”

“Please dad, I don’t want to discuss the other options in the cities that I can shift to. I’ve decided that I’ll go there and that’s final.”

My dad just nodded his head. He didn’t say anything else. I walked back to my room. After lunch, I started packing my bag. My mom came into my room and was shocked to see me packing.

“You said you wanted to go away from here, but I didn’t know you had already got your tickets to leave.” she said.

“Mom, I’m just packing some of the clothes I don’t wear every day. Last minute packing would mean leaving out a lot of things.”

“Do whatever you want.” And she walked out of my room slamming the door shut behind her.

I knew I had hurt her by telling that I was not going to stay here anymore. But I had to move out if I had to forget it. I attended the classes for a week after that. I didn’t speak much to any of my friends. I didn’t even tell my close friends that I was shifting to Hyderabad. I didn’t know when I was moving. My dad had told me that he would speak to one of his friends who happened to be the trustee of some college there. But, till now, I hadn’t heard of anything related to that. On Thursday evening, when I came back home after college, he came and gave me an envelope.

“This is your flight ticket. You have got an admission into Nizam College of Arts and Science.” he said, “We’ll leave on Saturday evening by flight. You’ll attend classes from Monday.” I opened the envelope and saw the flight tickets. “You can stay in the hostel that is in the campus. The details of the college and the hostel are in a print out that I’ve taken. It’s on your bed.”

I hugged him and went to my room. I saw the name of the institution typed in big bold letters- NIZAM COLLEGE OF ARTS AND SCIENCE. I spent the next half an hour reading each page and every single detail of the college that was mentioned. I then came across the page which gave the details of the college hostel and other facilities. It spoke of how many people in each room and things. After reading through it I decided that it would be better if I didn’t have to stay with so many people. I wanted some peace and lots of loneliness at least for some more time. I was not going to stay with a bunch of girls who would come up to me and ask me where I was from, who all were there at home, if I had any siblings and so on. I went down and told my father that I would prefer staying at a P.G. He agreed. My mother definitely didn’t agree to this idea at first but then I convinced her after some time. I went back upstairs after dinner and started packing all my stuff. My mother joined me later to help me in the packing. She was still irritated with me for going away, but she knew she didn’t have a choice and she just packed mumbling something here and there while doing so.

The next morning, I woke up and felt a little bit of excitement in me. I didn’t know if it was the feeling of going away from all the non-stop talks of my brother’s inexistence or if it was the excitement of going to a different place. I got ready and went down for breakfast. I had my breakfast in silence. And, suddenly it flashed that if my brother was there around, he would have not let anyone have breakfast in silence. Leave alone breakfast, the house would always keep buzzing with some sound. I felt bad that he wasn’t there. My dad interrupted my thoughts. “Just check one last time if you have left anything out while packing. And be ready by 11am, we’ll leave then. And if you want to meet any of your friends just go and meet them and come within an hour.”

I hadn’t told anyone yet that I was leaving. I looked at the time, it was 9:30. I went up to my room and saw the timetable. We had no lecture at that time. I went off to the college to meet my close friends one last time before leaving to Hyderabad. They were all sitting near the jackfruit tree writing some notes, messaging, pulling each other’s legs. I walked up to them and they looked at me silently with just a smile. One of my friends asked me why I hadn’t got a bag and why I hadn’t dressed to attend classes. “I came to tell you guys something. I’m leaving to Hyderabad in the afternoon.”

“What?” “No way” “Are you kidding me?” “Shut up ya” “don’t joke” came the responses, all at once. Each one kept shouting at me, except for one. Dipna was silent. She didn’t say anything. She just looked at me, and her eyes said it all, “You didn’t have the courtesy to tell me at least two days before?” it seemed to ask. I turned away from her.

“Guys please. I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you all but everything happened in such a great hurry that I couldn’t tell you. I’m really sorry. I couldn’t take this decision very easily. I have gone through a lot after my brother passed away. I’m not able to take any more. So I decided to go away from this city at least for a few years. I just hope to forget what all has happened. Please. I came to tell you all that I’m leaving. Wont you guys wish me luck?”

And then they all came to me and hugged me one after the other. But, Dipna just didn’t come. She just got up and walked away. I realized she was upset with me. I excused myself and went to speak to her.

“Hey Di, wait. Look I’m really sorry. I had no clue. I said that one day when I was irritated, what with everyone around me speaking about my brother and how nice it would have been if he was around and things like that. Look, it’s not that I don’t miss him but it still feels like he is around. I miss him a lot but I just haven’t yet accepted that he’s no more. For me, it feels like as if he’s gone for a long vacation. I know it sounds childish but I’m sorry I have not yet come to terms with it.”

“That doesn’t stop you from telling me if you make a decision. I wouldn’t have stopped you. You know that.”

“I’m sorry, I should have told you. But I just didn’t as I couldn’t. It’s not easy for me to leave this place where my brother and I had the most fun. Without him, I’ve been feeling left out and I am not able to be normally. I can feel the change and I really don’t think I’ll be able to take in more.”

“He wasn’t your brother alone; he was my good friend also! Look at the way you talk! Even I cared for him!”

“Okay! I’m sorry! Will you please forgive me! The last thing I want is to leave this place after having lost my brother and my best friend’s friendship!”

That made her smile. She hugged me and we went back home together. I had to do the last minute checking and she helped me with it. Then, we went down with my luggage. We left home for the airport. My mom and Dipna had tears in their eyes, my aunt gave me a smile and a hug as well, and we left. I felt bad that I was leaving. I was going to miss this place. It was the same place where I had fun with my brother. It was this place that I had found a true well-wisher for life; someone who was just there to help me out in my problems, make me smile even when I was sad about something, someone who cared for me more than he did about himself.

∞

I knew I had lost something that was very precious. Nothing could be done to bring him back to life. After almost two months of his passing away, there was not a day that I had spent without remembering him. Not a day passed without me hoping that he would be back. Every single day since the day I came here, I’ve wished he was there with me to help me out with something or the other. I have wished him to be my side. I’ve hoped he would come and motivate me to do some work. But, it was very late. He wouldn’t come if I just called him once.

I missed him. I was missing him. And I’ll always miss him. There will probably be no one to replace my brother. He was the best person I had met in my life. And he is not with me. Now, after two months, I cry for not having him with me. I cry, for I’m missing him. I cry because the place that my brother occupied in my world now is vacant and probably will never be filled. The love that he gave me would probably never be as the love that anyone else could ever give.

I love him. I miss him.

SHORT STORY BY:      VARSHA V.

                                                 4^TH SEMESTER, B.A.